Love and partnership are two things that are very foreign to me. They are concepts that I believe in but not something that has been easy in my life.
I have not dated a lot in my life. I guess I would say that I am serial dater. In my younger days, I enjoyed life. I mean I enjoyed it and don’t think I left many stones uncovered when it came to exploring experiences. Heck, why? We all know that we only live life once so live it to the fullest while we are young and single. Right?
So it gave me the opportunity to experience things. The good, bad and everything in between.
But when you live that way, does it make you stop looking for love or long lasting partnerships?
What’s your one word?
I stopped scrolling through Twitter recently when the image and tweet from Black Love Doc caught my attention. First of all, I love the Black Love series on OWN. It makes me think that love, friendship and partnership are possible in the world.
The tweet with the photo asked, “If you could describe how you feel when you’re with your partner in #oneword, what would that word be?”
I knew what that one word for me without thinking twice about it. It’s safe.
I’ve been in a couple of relationships where I haven’t felt safe. You would never know anything was wrong on the outside, but inside I was a complete mess; broken and bruised. I lived a long time in that place feeling almost destroyed.
Today, I actually cringe at the “R word” as a friend of mine joke about it. Seriously. I am not sure if I could ever really be in a relationship but have longed for a partnership with someone.
That’s where the Toni Morrison quote seems so poignant.
Don’t ever think I fell for you, or fell over you. I didn’t fall in love, I rose in it.
That’s where I hope to be one day. But for right now I will take the safety I feel in his arms. I will take that he doesn’t reach out to hurt me emotionally or sexually.
Safe in partnerships and relationships
Safe for me means knowing that I can trust you with me – my body and mind.
My goal is to not have to worry or second guess what you mean and how you do things. I will be important enough to you to take care of me as a person and someone you cherish.
It sounds like that should be an unwritten rule but I will admit that it’s not always that way. So, in my current relationships and partnerships, feeling safe is a must. If I don’t feel that way I keep you at arms length. You can only get so close and then still I monitor you.
I can say that right now there are two people that I feel safe with. Seriously. For one of the two, I flock to his arms. He gives me something that I haven’t had in a long time. I try to ensure that he knows and understands how important that is. We both come from broken places and I hope we both can heal together because we deserve more than what we had last. And then the other person supports me day in an day out.
What about for you? Is there something that he or she does that ensures that you know you are with the right person?
How does your partner make you feel in one word?